Christmas Time is here!

Wow time has really gone by fast since I posted last. In the past month, my 21st birthday has come and gone, and now Christmas day is quickly approaching. Only 6 more days to get my shopping done! I hate trying to think of gift ideas. Anyone else??.... yeah i thought you did...

This semester has gone by so fast it seems. I feel like I am just getting used to living on campus and enjoying college life, but i only have one more semester left. For the sake of my figure and overall health its probably a good thing that I'm only here another semester!

And then last week it totally hit me that I'm gonna be graduating in May and I have no idea what I'm gonna do with myself. Am i gonna get an IT job or do something else when i graduate? Am I just gonna live at home for the next few years or am I gonna try to find my own place? Will I even stick around Plymouth? Am I gonna find

Ouch... my head hurts... I suppose I'll have time to get my head on straight over winter break. What else am I gonna do with 5 weeks off??

All I Want for Christmas is...

I think it just occurred to me today that this Christmas season will be the first time since 2002 that I have been single during the holidays. And yes, I realize this is awefully early to be thinking about Christmas. Three Christmases in a row I had someone to swap presents with, twice the family Christmas parties to attend, and of course there was the romantic spirit of the holidays.

I love my family dearly and can't wait to spend time with relatives, but I know its gonna be hard being very happy this year when I think of what I had the past 3 Christmas seasons. There's something very special about Christmas that is just 10x more special if you are in love.

I know I'm really gonna miss that this year and and I know she will too, even though she might not want to admit it or even hates me right now...

A Buried Treasure

The wind has blown away the sand
Of a treasure I once buried there
Moving on to other shores
And hoping to no longer care

Now the waves have rolled in
Exposing what I try to forget
The treasure buried in the sand
Mixed with seaweed of regret

So I'm looking at the familiar box
Seen it so many times before
Want to bury it back in the sand
Cover it up even more

Its hard to let this relic go
Still means so much to me
The only beauty I've ever known
I now must set it free

This box does not belong to me
It belongs to a better man
As a tear rolls down my face
I dig as best as I can

I know that on a distant shore
A different box lays in rest
The edges may be worn and faded
But its contents are the best

Observation

My funny observation I needed to share with someone:

In my browsings of the the black hole of the internet (code-named "Myspace"), I noticed something funny. Some people have friends in top-ranking positions on their "Top 8" list, maybe 3 or 4. The funny part is, if you go to this friend's myspace account, the other person isn't even on their Top 8! Haha either the second guy is a total jerk, or the first guy really thinks of the second as a much closer friend than they really are. Probably not too many friends... That just cracked me up.

Any body else besides me find that somewhat ironic and funny???

Jericho Project

I will refrain from venting about how today did NOT end up like I had planned all weekend. I could start talking about how 4 of my friends backed out of a trip to the Cape that I was planning within 12 hours of when we were supposed to leave.... but they are my friends so I can't say anything bad about them. Instead of focusing on the negative, I'll talk about the positive! Alright I'll give it a shot....

Last sunday, Olly approached me and Dave after church. He suprised both of us by saying "I was praying this week and I really think that God wants me to put you two in charge of managing the Jericho project until it gets finished." I almost fell back in my chair.

A quick background on the Jericho project: The church wants to take the old parsonage house and property next door to the church and turn it into a function hall and full kitchen. So apparently Olly thought that Dave and I should manage the complete renovation of the house and installation of a permanent cement pad for the tent we use. Now when he said this, I dont see how he thinks that I would have any qualifications to be a "project manager."

I said "sure" that I would be willing to help out, but I didnt think too much of it after that. This past Sunday in church, my pastor Paul Jehle called people out of their seats to sing down near the altar. We were in the middle of singing/praying, so I had my eyes closed kinda towards the very back of the group of people. All of a sudden i hear the Pastor say "Now I want Dave Sivertsen and Joe Doherty to come up to the front..."

I almost pooped my pants. I had to ask my brother - "did he really just say my name??"

So I went forward with Dave and Mr. Jehle proceeded to tell the whole church that "God is rising up young men of our church to lead in the Jericho project". I was still so shocked that this was happening. Everyone prayed over us and I guess we were commissioned to do the Lord's work.... I'm still not sure what happened.

Now I have officially been given the role of project manager. Its somewhat scary, but the more I think about it, the more excited I get to have this role in my church. I have always thought that there was no real need for my talents at the church because everything seems to be "taken." Now I have this huge opportunity in front of me to help out my church in a practical way (and have fun doing it).

So if any of you people ever really read this stupid blog thing, I'd appreciate your prayers for this new phase of my life. I hope to grow a lot through the experience.

Mmmmaaan.... you are one pathetic loser!

I have this theory that in almost any situation you find yourself in, there is probably a good quote from my favorite comedy Dumb and Dumber that could apply to the situation. Today was no exception to this theory - however this time it wasnt funny. I was both Dumb and Dumber. I know you're dying to hear - Joe, how were you dumb today? any more than you usually are? I will tell you.

I was working in the office, just doing my computer thing. I noticed a girl on the other side of the partition who started asking around if we could help her wipe out and rebuild her computer. She was a student, so our policy is that we cannot work on student machines, just faculty and staff. She then asked if we knew of a place she could go to get her computer worked on. By this point, instead of just barely peeking over the partition, I stood up and low and behold, there was one of the most beautiful girls that has walked in our office before. We see our share of older faculty members come in with problems, so a gorgeous female student took me by suprise.

So you wanna hear the Dumb and Dumber moment??? Of course you do...

I then said "well we cant work on your computer in here, but sometimes some students in the office do some computer work on the side. i know shannon does that kind of work if you want to ask her..." She then proceeded to ask my boss about a place in town that could work on her computer. Just as she was about to leave - the quote came into my head....

"Do you realize what you've DONE!!"

By this time it was too late. I had blown it... The final scene from the movie played in my head: Harry and Loyd are hitch-hiking on the side of the road when a huge tour bus full of bikini models stops and asks for "two lucky boys who can oil us up before each competition." Loyd then says "you know what - you are in luck.... there's a town about 5 miles that way - i'm sure you'll find some great guys there."

So thats it. I've been kicking myself all day long. I should've said I could do it for her, but I chickened out. I would've done it for real cheap. In return I could have only asked for a date - i would even pay! Oh well. I blew it. I now hold my head in shame.

"Don't worry Loyd, we'll catch our break... just gotta keep our eyes open, thats all."

Now i lay me down

Now i lay me down to sleep,
This unsettled feeling i still keep,
Too soon until i must awake,
Before then please, these worries do take.

Excuse me... do i know you???

Ok this is by far the craziest/weirdest thing that has happened so far in my on-campus exeperience. Last night Matt, Dan and I were all out at our Alpha meeting for a few hours and got back to the apartment around 9:30. I was the first to walk in the room and I almost had a heart attack right there.....

Sitting there was a guy and girl - who none of us knew at all - cuddled up with Dan's blanket on our couch watching our tv. I stopped dead in my tacks right inside the door with the most confused/upset face. So the guy on the couch looks over at me and mumbles something like "Oh, we're friends of Ryan's." He never got off the couch to introduce himself and his gf just kept giggling to herself...

Now, a little background on Ryan. He is "officially" the 4th member of our apartmetnt, however he has never spent a single night in his room and hasn't been in the apartment for longer than 30 min. at any given time. He lives in his girlfriends apartment a few buildings over, which works out fine for me because that means i have a bathroom all to myself! Anyways...

So there is this really sketchy-looking skinhead guy looking at me with his creepy girlfriend. I'm sorry, this might be mean since I dont really know her, but she seriously looked like a crack-whore. Immediately me and Matt went into my room and started doing that whispered panic with our eyes bugging out of our heads. "Who the f#@& are they!!!!!" I think was Matt's direct quote. Dan came in a few minutes later and had the same reaction.

Immediately we gave the phantom roomate a call. "Did you let 2 people into our apartment while we were all gone??" Well the good news was that yes, he had let these two creeps in our apartment. He then came over with his girlfriend and proceeded to tell us the bad news. "Sorry I didnt mention it to you guys - my friends Mom just died and he needs a place to sleep for the night so he's gonna be in my room." Great.... 2 random people who have never said more than 10 words to me are going to be staying in our apartment for a day or so bumping uglies on the ohter side of my wall.

For the next hour or so, us 3 core residents had an emergency meeting outside to discuss this invasion of privacy and personal space. Needless to say - we just decided to let it slide for the night. I guess it was only fair because Ryan said we could let any of our guests stay in his room if we wanted to.

Let's hope there isnt too much excitement like this in the future.


P.S. They slept with the Dan's blanket that had been on the couch... I think he might be throwing it away later.

Quick Story

Tonight I made borritos for me, Dan, Rachel, and Alexi in our apartment. Everything went well and we just hung out afterwords watching tv. After a glass of champagne (courtesy of Matt) and 4 Brazilian beers (courtesy of Dan) - i went into my room at around 9pm and fell asleep on my bed.

The best part is - i never said goodnight to anyone and i was supposed to make up a song list with Rachel before she left tonight. I just woke up a few minutes ago at 1am (courtesy of my bladder) and realized everyone else went to bed/home. Haha.... OOOPS! I'll have to apologize tomorrow :)

Fresh Perspective

Its Monday night... slightly less depressing than Monday morning - still have 4 days of classes left :/ Things have been going well at school after being here for 2 weeks. It still throws me off when i go home on the weekends and then go back to campus a few days later. I think it'll be a good balance though - plenty of time to hang out with people during the week and then I can see friends from home on Fri and Sat night. ... and everyone thought i would forget about them in plymouth - what little faith.

so i've been thinking a little bit about the future lately. the funniest thing, watching Home Improvement reruns today actually made me start to think about it. In one episode, Brad had broken his leg and was worried that he wouldn't be able to go to college on his soccer scholarship and that it would end up totally ruining his life. Of course, Wilson, in his infinite wisdom told him that you cannot get upset when life doesnt turn out like you thought it would. I wish i could remember some of his profound advice but I can't seem to remember any of it now.

I guess you just need to prepare the best you can for the future, but dont be suprised when things dont work out like you wanted and people let you down. I suppose that is why God does things in our life that take us by suprise. He doesnt want life to be so predictable that we feel like we dont need Him.

I cant seem to get this verse out of my head for the past few months: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 This seems like kind of a weird verse when thinking about the future - but it really does apply if you think about it. The more life goes by our plans, the more we think we are in control of our own lives and dont need God. But in the middle of instability and a shakey future, I think that is when we can really see how God "comes through" (so to speak). When we are at our weakest point and feel like everything has/is going wrong - thats when God does some of the greatest things. I wouldn't have chosen a lot of the events that has happened in the past year, but I know that everything has made me who I am. I am constantly reminded that no matter how much I plan out my life, I really have no control over my future.

In the verse, I am starting to realize that the word weakness doesnt just mean "shortcomings" or "flaw". I think that weakness can also mean "vulnerable" or "powerless". I am just starting to see that God not only works through our problems and faults, but He also shows His power as Almighty God when I have no power over my own life. I dont just have "weaknesses" - but I am totally dependant on God for everything.

So sorry to get "preachy" or whatever that was, but that really hit me today and was a fresh new perspective on my dependance on God. Even typing this helped me to sort my thoughts! So I guess that I really dont need to worry about things working out how I planned them because I suppose they never will - which might not be such a bad thing in the end...

My New Pad

This is Joe Doherty reporting from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth campus. It was a wet and cold day but students here have managed to move into their respective apartments to begin a new scholastic year. After spending a few hours moving furntiure and creating the perfect audio/visual environment, I have realized that the bed behind me is still covered with clothes, bags, towels, etc which have not been touched. And yes you can also see bottles of juice plus that Carol so generously gave to me.

So I guess this is where i'll be living for the next 9 months or so. Luckily i'm exhausted, otherwise i prob would have a hard time falling asleep tonight. Lots of stuff goin through my head right now. I've got a bittersweet feeling that i just can't shake...

Mudfest 2006

So here are some of the muddy clothes from the festival at the tweeter center last night - jurassic 5, g-love and the special sauce, dropkick murphy's, and 311. it absolutely poored on us and needless to say, the "lawn" section didnt have to much grass - we got completely covered in mud. wow that was a crazy night...

Soulfest '06

So last weekend I went to Soulfest - a 5 day festival of practically every Christian band held at Gunstock Mountain in NH. I went up with Joe Yates from work and stayed with Dave, Heather, and the boys Friday, Saturday, and half of Sunday. After a rather "exciting" trip up to NH, we finally made it up to our campsite and had a really good time. Here are just a few of the pictures I took if you'd like to take a look at them.

Driving the back roads of NH around Lake Winnipesaukee with the moonroof open and a cigar in my mouth --- perfect.











Ben always loves to "drive" my car and bend my sunglasses












Kutless put on an awesome show - I am now a huge fan of their stuff












Chris Tomlin sounded amazing as always. This was the 3rd time I've heard him live and he never dissapoints. He is such an amazing musician and does such a great job working the crowd.









Of course, being the biggest Third Day fan in New England, I thoroughly enjoyed seeing those guys rock out Gunstock. Mac kept grabbing cameras to take pictures for people and grabbed a hat from this guy that he wore around the stage. Although the sound mix was relatively poor compared to other shows I've seen them at, they still did such a good job at drawing in the crowd and totally rockin our socks off. Too bad I barely had any energy left when they were playing - I had already been standing for over 4 hours and singing my heart out to Kutless and Tomlin.

Sunday morning we took the chairlift up to the top of the mountain. The view was gorgeous and such a contrast from when I am usually up there in the winter snowboarding and everything is white. I love this shot of Jacob - he was such a trooper goin up the ski-lift, even though he wanted to turn around halfway up :)








































As we were coming down, Casting Crowns was playing on stage. It was incredibly hot out, but they played such a good show. I love how they're just a bunch of down-to-earth youth group leaders that have such a huge heart for the church.





There are tons more photos that I took but those are the "highlight pics" for a little photo journal for anyone to enjoy. I had a blast and cant wait to do it again next year.

I Love New Toys

My newest obsession is hopefully getting a digital camera within the next few weeks. It's the 6 megapixel Sony DSC-W50 - which is going for $250 right now. I love how amazingly huge the LCD screen is and if Consumer Reports is right, this should be one of the top picks for price, functionality, and reliability.

Isn't that so sexy?! I hope to take some really nice photos with it and hopefully I can start posting them to my blog and seeing what you guys think. I love new toys!

An Apology

Sorry guys... I should have listened to those audio tracks before i posted them. After listening to most of them, I need to apologize for such offensive content. It was a disgrace to the artists and all musicians in general, and I apologize for any harm it may have caused anyone. I promise to only post somewhat polished songs next time, instead of just random practice material that should not be endured by anyone. I promise, we're starting to sound much better ;)

Let the Land-scraping Begin

Every summer it always takes a few weeks or so to get back into the groove of 40+ hours a week of landscaping, as contrasted to the full-time college student lifestyle. I now have to wake up an hour earlier than during school and am actually required to use a majority of the muscles in my body, as opposed to the very few I need to walk to class and type on a keyboard. After only 3 days of work, I had already developed a killer tanline and slept like a baby each night. This past week I worked close to 50 hours and am definitely enjoying the weekend!

We had another band practice tonight, and I think things went fairly well considering we hadn't all played together in about a month. I'll admit, I wasn't at the top of my game and I butchered the Casting Crowns song on more than one occasion. I debated doing this, but I suppose I'll give the link to anyone who cares to hear a VERY rough recording of the stuff we worked on tonight. They are somewhat random tracks, so some of them begin in the middle of the rehearsal. You'll need to use Windows Media Player to listen to the files.

http://joedoh85.googlepages.com/tntband

DISCLAIMER (this is for you Jeff): Our sound mix going into the recorder was not set at all, which means that you can hear plenty of vocals and accoustic guitar, but barely any drums, bass, keyboard, etc. Trust me, it sounds much better in person ;)

Leave me a comment if you listened to any of it and want to make fun of us :)

Victory is mine!

Yeeehaaa! Well not sure how many of you know about my housing situation I was trying to figure out for the past few months. I'll try to give a quick summary of whats happened.

Basically, I wanted to get into one of the new apartments for my senior year. However, Umass Douchebag decided they were going to shut down an entire dorm building, forcing students to be stuck in forced doubles in some of the new apartments. So not only did I have the lowest priority on the housing list because I'm a commuter, but of course the only apartments left would be a forced double with another guy I don't know at all.

Needless to say, I was about to sign up for one of these terrible apartment setups because I just wanted to get on campus and I could change later. BUT.... I heard from Alexi that her friend Jim (I know him from the Christian fellowship) had already picked an apartment with 2 other guys I know, but decided he wasn't coming back next year. Hmmm... interesting! So me and Jim went to the housing office to see if I could get assigned to the apartment he was backing out of.

At first the lady was really stubborn and said that there was no way she could do that. I asked her what would be done with the room since he wasn't coming back and she said "well we're gonna assign it to somebody else". that, of course, doesn't make sense because anyone else who had preference over me had already picked their room! so after several minutes of reasoning with this woman, she finally said that she would assign me to his room once he was released from his housing contract.

So I got a call from this woman yesterday with some very good news: "ok joe, i've assigned you to that apartment room and you're all set". Woop-dee-doo! OK maybe that wasnt a very short summary, but needless to say, I'm pretty excited that it worked out because there was a very slim chance that it would.

Anticipation

Sorry I haven't been posting anything of any substance lately. I originally wanted this to have a little better content than just a weekly update of my life. Once summer starts I'll have more time to maybe put up some creative stuff for people to check out. I will have plenty of time to ponder the mysteries of life while landscaping this summer. I can't wait!

Well, in approximately 100 hours from right now, I will be a very happy man. Not only will I be done with several of my classes, but I'm gonna get to see somebody very special that I've been waiting to see for a long time now. I bet you can't guess who that could be?!


Yes... I did just count the hours... get over it.

Off To A Bad Start

I hate to say it, but our team lost terribly Friday night. In fact, if I could type this correctly and hang my head in shame at the same time, I would. I could always explain how the conditions were terrible - it was freezing cold and the grass hadn't been cut at all this season. However, there is no reason why we should've lost that game. We had so much more talent, speed, and power on our team, but we just couldn't keep ourselves together. We just kept bobbling the ball and overthrowing our baseman. On top of our terrible defensive efforts, there weren't too many great hits during the night either. A few suprises, of course, but nothing to bring us to victory.

One of the greatest parts of the night however, happened within the first few minutes of the game. We were all in our positions with Chris T. in left field, me in the shortfield, Aaron in Center, and Tom Faherty in right. I looked over to the side right as we were about to start playing, and I noticed Micah Goedecke out there in between Aaron and Tom. Yes, there were 5 outfielders for the first few batters. Me and Aaron both noticed it and couldn't figure out what was happening, and finally Jack Tonello, our coach, shouted "Hey Micah! Get in here!"

Now I didnt hear this part of the story, but I heard it from my cousin Erin, who is a pretty credible source. I guess the other coach yelled to Jack, "hey you guys have 5 people in the outfield!" and Jack shouted back "Yeah, he's retarded!"

I cannot believe he said that, but I got an absolute kick out of it. Only Jack would be that totally honest and blunt about what he's trying to say. So that was about the only exciting thing that happened during the game - the rest was a complete disgrace to the sport. Hopefully I have some more encouraging news next week.

Softball Is Here!

I only have 4 weeks of classes left! I get so anxious this time of year because the weather is starting to get nice, but I'm still in classes and I can't wait to get out. Especially because softball season is starting up again. We've had 2 practices so far and our first game is going to be this Friday at 6:15. We should have a pretty decent team this year and we have a good chance of winning the division if we just stay on our toes and work together. Unfortunately, I think I pulled my shoulder yesterday and it kills today :( Hopefully I'll be better before our game this Friday.

Here's a copy of our softball schedule if you want to check out any of the games:
PDF File
Word Document
Excel Sheet

Come out and check out the games sometime! I'm no all-star by any means, but its always a fun time. And there's always pizza afterwards if the game bores you :)

Back By Popular Demand...

"What is going in Joe's life" you ask? Well nothing too much different than last time you checked on me. "How is the band going?" you might be wondering. It's so nice of you to ask!

Well we all met this past Tuesday night, and practiced for probably 2 hours. Let me tell you, playing my guitar plugged into a sound system and along with about 4 or 5 other musicians is much different than just sitting on my bed trying to nail "Stairway to Heaven" at my own pace.

It was a very good experience, and hopefully I will only become more comfortable in that sort of environment. I dont know much of the technical aspects of music theory, but I think I was able to put in my 2 cents while we played and we all seemed to have a good time. It was good to see Jeff Lindberg totally rock out on his electric guitar, because I know he feels so crippled up there on Sunday mornings.

Overall it was just good to play along with everyone, but after we played back the recording what we practiced, it was easy to hear that we still have a looong way to go. Oh well, we aren't looking for a record deal anytime soon. Although Heather got some pretty sweet "rockstar" clothes just in case we do ;)

In A Band??...

I dont want to speak to soon, but it looks like I'm in a "band" now! Haha, ok its not really an official thing, but a bunch of us from the church are going to start meeting together and learning some songs to play together. Not sure how I ever got asked to play an instrument, but I'll do my best to keep up and maybe offer a little to the group. I met with Dave, Heather, and Jeff Lindberg tonight to talk about what we want to do, and I think everybody is really excited to get started. We're gonna be doing all sorts of music, which is good.

Hopefully we will be able to agree on what direction we are going and everyone can really do their part for this thing. We could have a lot of fun with this and hopefully be used by God in some way. Its so hard to tell what's gonna happen, but I have learned not to worry about that stuff! I'm not control of my life anyways. This is gonna be fun... can't wait till we get rolling!

Diligence... or Apathy?

Is this finals week? Based on the amount of stress I'm under and how crazy my schedule is, I could almost swear that this feels like finals week. I'm part of 3 group projects that all have to meet in the next week and I feel like my semester is just gonna be super-intense till summer.
I also have to pick classes for next semester soon, and I know my last 2 semesters are prob gonna be just as intense and busy.

There is a line that I am sitting on between working hard to get stuff done, and not caring what happens and just laughing it off. Actually, its the line between diligence and apathy. Hopefully I can stay on the side of diligence and just bust out this work that I need to do, but it is so tempting to just throw my hands up in the air and say "screw it!"

Man, this college thing sucks... I should've gone with HVAC...

Where do i go?

I guess all good things must come to an end. Its Sunday night at quarter-till 11 and I am realizing that "there goes another spring break." I have had 3 spring breaks in my life, none of which have been memorable or exciting. I always love visiting my cousins in NH, but our 15 hour stay could hardly be considered "unforgettable." I'll have to do something next year to make up for the past 3 disappointments.

Olly preached in church again this morning, and, although he was covering last minute for Pastor Stone who has been sick, I know that there's a reason why he spoke today. I always feel so convicted and motivated after Olly speaks and what he shared is exactly what I needed today. He specifically addressed the young people of the church who are being taken away by the attractions of this world. He spoke of a double life and mistakes that will cripple someone for the rest of their lives. I feel like I have already made some of those mistakes and I know that my life has been inconsistent lately. For the past few months I have used situational excuses for my actions and thoughts, but I know that they haven't led me anywhere.

I really have no other place to turn and I know that I need to give up before I make more tragic mistakes. I just feel like I have tried to surrender my will to God's so many times and it has never been permanent. I dont understand how people like Olly can have a long-term passion for Christ that never seems to fade. My spiritual walk is like a rollercoaster at times and I can never seem to just remain constant. When he asked us all to come to the alters at the end, I just sat in my seat and prayed to God for Him to change me. I dont even know what to ask for anymore. I cant even begin to diagnose the problem or how it needs to be fixed. I just know that things are not right and no matter what I do, things are not improving. I am so frustrated with myself and how I cannot overcome the things that have been holding me down for years.

My strength is fading and I dont know how much longer I can bear this burden. I dont even have the power to lift it up towards the sky with the hope of deliverance.

God, you have a history of rescuing the broken and beat-down. I need that right now.

Yes, I have a few mental handicaps...

Alright... this is probably one of the scariest pictures you will ever see of me (hopefully). I thought I would take a funny picture of me and Jacob, but it turned out more like my severed head on some crazy drugs or something.

Yes, comment about my ugly face to your hearts desire...

Spring Break.. woohoo! :-/

Ok its been over a week since I've updated the blog, so I figured I should really put in a less depressing message for an update. So far Spring Break has been relatively boring, yet relaxing. It felt great to sleep in till noon today! There are a bunch of things that I've been meaning to do for a while, so this is a good day to do those things.

I had a good conversation with my dad last night. Although initiating conversations can be somewhat ackward, we were able to talk about how things are going and it wasnt too weird. Its good to hear him say that he wants me to enjoy myself and do things now that I'm single, such as traveling, etc. I would love to travel! I hear his stories of his road trips that he went on when he got out of college and I really wish I could do the same things. Maybe this summer I can take a few trips with Mike Flynn, who knows. Maybe cousin Mike will want to, but chances are he needs to save money and vacation days for his wedding.

Me and Dave were planning a trip to VA to see Third Day and David Crowder Band in a few weeks. I would love to go because I havent gone on any fun trips like that in a while. Hopefully we can find a really cheap flight into D.C. and we can drive from there. We'll see who can actually go on such short notice.

Alrighty.. its 2:30 and I need to go get some breakfast :-P

Overload!

Man, these teachers really love to load us with schoolwork right before break. I had a test today, I have 2 group projects due before Thursday, and 2 mid-terms on friday. It sucks because some of my friends are home for Spring Break and I really cant afford to hang out because I already feel so far behind on my schoolwork. I'm actually waiting right now to meet with a group.

All week long I just keep on thinking about the weekend... Its never been this bad before. Not like there is really anything very interesting that happens, but I get to interact with people outside of school and work.

Alrighty... I gotta go. Wish me luck.

It's A Beautiful Day!

Wow! It's gorgeous out today. Almost 60 degrees outside... can't complain. I just can't wait till its t-shirt and shorts weather - I love the summer!

Last night was fun and... interesting. The meeting in Boston, was different - not really my style of prayer and worship... but I guess it works for them. Mr. Jehle gave a good little message and we left by around 9:30. I went home in Hannah's car... that says enough. We almost ran several red lights, we cut off another car in the lane next to us, and we ended up hitting a skunk on the highway on our way home. Never a dull moment with Hannah. It was fun hanging out with her and Brie... always plenty of laughs.

Alright well my room is a mess right now so I should probably clean it.

The Winds Are Changing

I feel like God is about to do something big. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I have this feeling that the tides are starting to change... Not only in my own life, but with everyone around me. God doesn't want to leave us all in the fire - He wants to bring us through it so that we are stronger in the end. I know that God has already poured so much into me that He wants to use for His glory, I just have to be ready to respond. He can't use me if I'm so caught up in the drama of my life that I am blind to the people around me.

I just don't want to miss what's gonna happen. I don't want to catch it at the end and be like "woa, what just happened?" There is a sense of urgency in my life to start fresh and really press in like never before. I can't stay stagnant and just wait for things to change. I have a really weird feeling that God is starting to "slow down" a bit with all the negative changes in my life. He has grabbed my attention and I'm not sure what exactly He's trying to show me, but I know that I am learning to trust Him for absolutely everything in my life now. I am realizing that nothing is for certain - money, relationships, and even lives.

God, help me to get my focus off myself and really start pressing in to You. I want to be captivated by Your glory again - silenced in Your presence. I need You like never before.

What The Flock?

I know you have all been waiting in eager anticipation for my next blog entry..... so here it is:

Church was definitely interesting this morning. My first time back to TNT in a while. I miss all the people that go there, but there's still something about that church that I don't like. Not really sure if I can put my finger on it. The best theory that I've been able to come up with is that TNT is my comfort zone. I sat in those pews (sp?) for over 10 years under pretty much the same leadership and became very accustomed to just playing the game and not really getting serious about it. I grew so much at Heaven's Gate because there was no comfort zone for me and I felt like I was out on my own. Now I'm back at TNT sitting with my family again and feeling like I'm back in high school.

I don't dislike TNT. I'm not saying I regret leaving Heaven's Gate, because I just didn't feel like I could stay there in good conscience. I guess I just don't feel that strong tug to TNT that many of my other friends have felt. I'm afraid that I'm just gonna fit back into that mold that I had and not continue to grow. I know that's not necessary, but its definitely a whole lot easier to fall into. Hopefully I'll start to think differently about this whole thing soon. For right now I'm just glad to be with some of my good friends again.

Oh yeah, by the way.... Last night = good stuff. "Please sir! May I have another?!"

So Long to "the Gate"

So I officially "quit" Heaven's Gate last night. In a way I'm glad to finally stop dwelling on the negative and start moving towards the positive, but it was very bittersweet. I just feel so confused about the whole church controversy. I will never know enough about either side of the argument to make a completely "correct" decision, so I know I just have to decide based on what I've been given and what I feel is right for me. Hopefully this was the right choice. I'm gonna miss those guys, esp John and Pam. They've poured so much into me and I cant thank them enough for everything they've done. I konw that it was right for me to be there for a while because I grew so much, but I think its time for me to move on.

Speaking of John and Pam... I got to talk to them last night about my "love life" situation (or the lack-thereof). Its always good to talk to them because they are such great encouragers... and God knows I have needed a lot of encouragement with this relationship. I know I've told the story too many times already, but it was still good to get it off my chest to them and express my frustration with everything. Pam usually tries to help me understand where she's coming from and why she would do the things she does... but I don't think anyone can figure this one out. My feelings towards her seem to change every day. One day I'm sad, one day I'm angry, another day I'm lonely, and another day I just push it aside.

Ok its basically white out conditions outside... i gotta head to work :( i hate work.

MySpace Killed My Inner Child

Why did I ever join MySpace?! It is of the devil! I go on there every night like a little 13 year old girl who wants to talk with all her friends from school. Man, techonology sucks. I need to interact with real people instead of always seeing their stupid profiles.

Can you tell I just signed off, wondering what happened the last hour of my life?? Yup.. its gone. I should read a book or something instead of allowing my brain to rot out of my skull. Ok, I'm going to bed, this is rediculous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh yeah, by the way... Congratulations to my cousin Adam! He is now the father of a beautiful baby girl Emily. Here she is (sorry its a little weird - just click on it):

Doctor, He's Stabilizing!

Alright time to update the ol' blog. Or "weblog" for the rest of you common folk. Although Mondays are eternally evil, especially since I leave home at 8am and get back at 10pm each Monday, today is not too bad so far. I figured I should probably leave a quick note to anyone who actually cares how I'm doing...

Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I just had an extremely lousy week last week and needed to vent somewhere because everyone always seems so busy. I hung out with Brie and the Siv's last night so I'm feeling a little better after having a slight taste of social interaction outside of work and school. I just gotta make it through another week - two tests on thursday are gonna kill me. I can't wait for the weekend already :(

Shoot, I gotta work on my homework. Class starts in an hour.

Do you show Your wonders to the dead?

Man, this week has been terrible. I've been so stressed out lately and school is really starting to get busy. I haven't been getting enough sleep and I wake up totally exhausted. I have been so unhappy and misserable this week - nothing seems to cheer me up. I woke up Tuesday morning and all the muscles in my jaw were sore - I had been clenching my teeth all night long. I can't concentrate on school. My time at work seems to drag on forever. I dont know what I'm gonna do. Things are only getting crazier with time.

I'm so angry and frustrated right now. I feel so hurt and forgotten.

I read Psalms 88 the other night and I feel like it describes me perfectly:

1 O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
3 For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave.
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
6 You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. Selah
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you? Selah
11 Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
13 But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
15 From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.

God, when are things gonna get better again? When will I start to enjoy life, rather than just try to survive each wave that hits me? I know You're doing something in me... I just cant see it.

... rescue me...

A Bit disappointed

Another boring day in the live of Joe Doherty. Work dragged on forever and the night ended up being a little disappointing. I don't know what I expect from life right now, but its just so much more boring than I thought it would be. I mean, 20 years old - in the prime of my life. I should be having fun before I start getting too many responsibilities in life.

Oh yeah, speaking of responsibilities: my mom was all upset when I came home tonight because I never take the time to spend with my dog. I feel terrible because I know I don't spend enough time with him, and I really gotta get my act together with training him.

Anyways, those are my quick thoughts from the day. Once again, to recap the day:
1. my life is boring
2. i'm a terrible dog owner

Goodnight...

Share The Love

Thank God. Valentine's Day has finally passed. As if I don't have enough things during the day to remind me that I'm single - I need LOVE shoved in my face all day.

The one thing that did brighten up my day was actually something that I did for someone else.
The Christian Fellowship on campus was giving out free carnation flowers with little love letters from Jesus attached to them (with scripture verses, etc). When I got into one of my classes, there was a flower sitting there that someone had left. Well I wasn't about to use it or bring it around campus with me, so I waited till the end of the lecture and brought it to the front of the room. I then gave it to my professor, who is this little Indian woman (with that red dot on her forehead). "Here you go. I noticed you didn't have any flowers so I thought I'd give you one. Happy Valentines Day."

I thought that was pretty creative and it put a huge smile on her face. "Oh thank you so much! It's beautiful!" I really should've told her my name so she would remember my kindness when it came time for grading. Oh well.

So I suppose if there isn't any real reason to be happy at the moment, do something for someone else to make them happy, and in turn, you will be happy too. That sounds like a long confusing proverb or something.

I thought of a cool little metafore/analogy on my way home from school today but I dont feel like talking about it right now. I will reveal this nugget of wisdom at a later time. I'm wiped out. Time to go to bed and wake up tomorrow exhausted.

Me and Benji

Heres a good pic i got of Benji the other day. hes got the cutest belly laugh ive ever heard. This was minutes after he woke me up by the way

Distracted... For Now

Well I guess I'm not ready to have kids yet... I love Jacob and Benji a lot, but it sure is good to be home in a relatively quiet house. I feel so lazy for sitting around Heather and Dave's house all day, but I know that Heather appreciated it and hopefully I was able to cheer them up a bit and help them with some of their load. I'm glad that they're starting to get involved with TNT again because I really think they're gonna be happy there.. they have so much to offer. They have such a great heart to serve people in quiet ways that it's infectious.

I guess I was just happy to be preoccupied with things other than myself. Life gets depressing when I have too much time to think to myself and I'm stuck with my internal monologue. Too bad I have to face reality eventually and stop putting off the inevitable pain that has started to set in...

The Storm's Coming

Well we're supposed to get a crazy nor'easter tonight all the way through tomorrow, but I dont think anyone really believes it because of how mild this winter has been so far. Apparently we haven't had any measureable snowfall since the beginning of December. So much for the harsh New England winters.

It was nice to chill with cousin Mike last night.. haven't done that in a while. Its so funny cuz now the roles are reversed - he's the one in the relationship and I'm the single guy. He seemed to like the Carrie Underwood CD i got him for his birthday (months ago) cuz he digs that country music thing. I hate the music, but I told him I should take the album art with the pictures of her because he's not allowed to look at her anymore ;)

Well I gotta run to work and then I'm gonna help Dave and Heather move later today. I guess the "House of Mourning" is relocating. I love those guys and I hate to see what is happening to them and their family. Dave, you're in my prayers buddy... you're in a tough spot.

Crap... where did i put my snowpants...?

My Lesson at Chili's

Another long day...

Well today I heard two people today mention how they've heard about my blog. I guess people find out fast (I did put it in my profile). The only weird thing is now I know people have seen it, so its almost like I have to be careful what I say. Haha, I guess this is totally contradictory to my reasons to create a blog in the first place. Oh well, I guess I'll get more comfortable as time goes on... not like I have anybody real to talk to anymore. (Insert small violin here)

Another thing that struck me as being funny is how someone mentioned that I was real tight with God because I said I talk to Him. I never really thought about it too much I guess. I think I've always taken the gift of prayer for granted. I've grown up hearing things like "well, if you have a problem, just ask God to help you." Although that seems like a "sunday school" answer to life's problems, I know for a fact that God listens when we sincerely pray to Him. I suppose that I've totally overlooked one of the best gifts I've ever been given: I can go to God in prayer and He will listen to me, the guy who cant seem to get his life in order.

Now that I think about it, that totally blows me away. I have no right to approach the Maker of the Universe regardless of how "good" I've been. Oh yeah, by the way, I feel so far away from Him right now. Situations in life have sucked, but my attitudes and actions towards everything have just made it all worse and I have no one to blame but myself.

....Anyways. It is such a great thing to be able to talk to God even when I have screwed up royally and haven't listened to Him. God blows me away with the concept of "grace." I come to Him every day with something new that I've messed up on, and for some reason I feel part of that grace. I don't know what makes me feel that way. Its not that feeling of "sweet, I can do whatever because God will always take me back." Its more of a feeling that God is willing to work with me as long as I am willing to put aside what I want and start to follow His plans for me. I guess that feeling is the only reason why I haven't given up and just lived how ever I felt would be fun. I know He's saying to me "I'll be waiting right here whenever you're ready to give up living on your own."

That just reminds me of the verse "How great the Father's love He has lavished on us all, that we should be called children of God!" Nothing can separate us from the love of God, and for that reason alone, I owe Him my life.

So thanks a lot to Monique and Cassandra for reminding me of that gift I had forgotten about so long ago.

(All names have been changed to protect the innocent).

The Sun Is Shining... Or At Least It Will

Of course whenever I feel like crap, I love listening to Third Day's new CD - Wherever You Are. That whole cd has so many songs of hope and encouragement, which I have fed off ever since it was realeased. I was listening to the song "The Sun Is Shining" today and it totally fits my situation now and keeps encouraging that there's hope coming on the horizon:

The Sun Is Shining

Yesterday I found
That everything I knew was wrong
It was upside down
The life I thought I had was gone

But You came and whispered love to me
And You gave me strength to carry on

Oh, the sun is shining
There is hope for me again
A new day’s dawning
The sun is shining

Yesterday I lost
Everything I had and loved
Then I cried out for You, Lord
And You came and picked me up

And the sorrow lasted through the night
But the joy came with the morn

This Morning's Revelation

Each time I get in the car to go to school, I have a decision to make.

"Is today a music commute? or is this a quite commute?"

Don't get me wrong... I usually love music. I love playing it as loud as I can until the speakers start to sound a bit distorted. But sometimes there are days that I know I just need to spend some time of quieteness. Usually I'm trying to talk to God, but sometimes I just have a lot of thoughts I'm sorting out.

Well today was a "quite day." I've had a lot on my mind the past few days and I just starting thinking about our dependencey on God. The human problem (sin) is that we think we can do stuff our own way, in our own timing, in our own conditions. For some reason I remembered that quote that one of the Beatles said in the 60's (not sure which one actually said it): "We're more popular than Jesus now."
(Ok I looked it up: http://www.stevesbeatles.com/quotes/ - it was by John Lennon, 1966)

The first thing that jumps into any God-fearing person's mind is a gasp of disbelief and awe that someone would be so daring. I started thinking of how God would treat the guys in that band when they die (past or present). "Wow, they're really gonna be punished for saying stuff like that."

But wait a second, I thought... in a way, don't we all show our superiority to God/Jesus at one time or another?? I mean, we may not be bold enough to say it out loud, but how many times do we live our lives like we are more important than God?? How often do we feel our opinions are more valid than God's truth?


I suppose the Beatles receive the same punishement that I would receive if wasn't covered by the sacrifice of Christ...

A Quick Pic Of My Best Buddy

Just thought I'd throw in a picture of me and Kona from a few months ago. He's getting so big so fast! Lets just hope he learns that the living room is not his personal dumping area

In Memoriam: The Little Blue Notepad

Here it is. Joe's first blog. This is actually quite intimidating. I feel like this should be some great declaration with reasons to justify my need for internet posting... but it's not. I really have no other reason to post blogs other than to try and work out the jumbled sentences that are floating in my head all day long.

Notice the URL of my blog site: my-digital-therapy

I used to have a small little notepad in my senior year of high school that I used to keep for random thoughts I had. I was more proud of that little notepad and the stuff I had come up with than all the actual schoolwork I did that year. For several years I just wrote whenever I felt like it and showed it to no one. It was my little journal full of letters to God, lyrics to songs, poems, etc.

A year or so after I graduated, I decided to pull it out and read some of it to Jenelle. This was pretty hard because some of the deepest conversations I had ever had (with myself or to God) were written on that pad. We had a good night reading through some of my random thoughts from senior year: some funny, some sad, and some just outright weird. I stuck it back in my pocket that night and went home. Several days later, my mother opened the drier and discovered little soggy shreds of paper all over the wash. The only writing that I was ever "proud" of was reduced to two rectangular pieces of plastic held together by some mangled spiral wire.

Needless to say, I was pretty devastated that night and I havent really written too much since then. I guess this is my attempt to revive the spirit of that little blue notepad. I guess I just need to write whats on my heart again.

(I guess that turned out to be an ok intro to my new blog. Phew.... I'm so relieved now)