MySpace Killed My Inner Child

Why did I ever join MySpace?! It is of the devil! I go on there every night like a little 13 year old girl who wants to talk with all her friends from school. Man, techonology sucks. I need to interact with real people instead of always seeing their stupid profiles.

Can you tell I just signed off, wondering what happened the last hour of my life?? Yup.. its gone. I should read a book or something instead of allowing my brain to rot out of my skull. Ok, I'm going to bed, this is rediculous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh yeah, by the way... Congratulations to my cousin Adam! He is now the father of a beautiful baby girl Emily. Here she is (sorry its a little weird - just click on it):

Doctor, He's Stabilizing!

Alright time to update the ol' blog. Or "weblog" for the rest of you common folk. Although Mondays are eternally evil, especially since I leave home at 8am and get back at 10pm each Monday, today is not too bad so far. I figured I should probably leave a quick note to anyone who actually cares how I'm doing...

Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I just had an extremely lousy week last week and needed to vent somewhere because everyone always seems so busy. I hung out with Brie and the Siv's last night so I'm feeling a little better after having a slight taste of social interaction outside of work and school. I just gotta make it through another week - two tests on thursday are gonna kill me. I can't wait for the weekend already :(

Shoot, I gotta work on my homework. Class starts in an hour.

Do you show Your wonders to the dead?

Man, this week has been terrible. I've been so stressed out lately and school is really starting to get busy. I haven't been getting enough sleep and I wake up totally exhausted. I have been so unhappy and misserable this week - nothing seems to cheer me up. I woke up Tuesday morning and all the muscles in my jaw were sore - I had been clenching my teeth all night long. I can't concentrate on school. My time at work seems to drag on forever. I dont know what I'm gonna do. Things are only getting crazier with time.

I'm so angry and frustrated right now. I feel so hurt and forgotten.

I read Psalms 88 the other night and I feel like it describes me perfectly:

1 O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
3 For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave.
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
6 You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. Selah
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you? Selah
11 Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
13 But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
15 From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.

God, when are things gonna get better again? When will I start to enjoy life, rather than just try to survive each wave that hits me? I know You're doing something in me... I just cant see it.

... rescue me...

A Bit disappointed

Another boring day in the live of Joe Doherty. Work dragged on forever and the night ended up being a little disappointing. I don't know what I expect from life right now, but its just so much more boring than I thought it would be. I mean, 20 years old - in the prime of my life. I should be having fun before I start getting too many responsibilities in life.

Oh yeah, speaking of responsibilities: my mom was all upset when I came home tonight because I never take the time to spend with my dog. I feel terrible because I know I don't spend enough time with him, and I really gotta get my act together with training him.

Anyways, those are my quick thoughts from the day. Once again, to recap the day:
1. my life is boring
2. i'm a terrible dog owner

Goodnight...

Share The Love

Thank God. Valentine's Day has finally passed. As if I don't have enough things during the day to remind me that I'm single - I need LOVE shoved in my face all day.

The one thing that did brighten up my day was actually something that I did for someone else.
The Christian Fellowship on campus was giving out free carnation flowers with little love letters from Jesus attached to them (with scripture verses, etc). When I got into one of my classes, there was a flower sitting there that someone had left. Well I wasn't about to use it or bring it around campus with me, so I waited till the end of the lecture and brought it to the front of the room. I then gave it to my professor, who is this little Indian woman (with that red dot on her forehead). "Here you go. I noticed you didn't have any flowers so I thought I'd give you one. Happy Valentines Day."

I thought that was pretty creative and it put a huge smile on her face. "Oh thank you so much! It's beautiful!" I really should've told her my name so she would remember my kindness when it came time for grading. Oh well.

So I suppose if there isn't any real reason to be happy at the moment, do something for someone else to make them happy, and in turn, you will be happy too. That sounds like a long confusing proverb or something.

I thought of a cool little metafore/analogy on my way home from school today but I dont feel like talking about it right now. I will reveal this nugget of wisdom at a later time. I'm wiped out. Time to go to bed and wake up tomorrow exhausted.

Me and Benji

Heres a good pic i got of Benji the other day. hes got the cutest belly laugh ive ever heard. This was minutes after he woke me up by the way

Distracted... For Now

Well I guess I'm not ready to have kids yet... I love Jacob and Benji a lot, but it sure is good to be home in a relatively quiet house. I feel so lazy for sitting around Heather and Dave's house all day, but I know that Heather appreciated it and hopefully I was able to cheer them up a bit and help them with some of their load. I'm glad that they're starting to get involved with TNT again because I really think they're gonna be happy there.. they have so much to offer. They have such a great heart to serve people in quiet ways that it's infectious.

I guess I was just happy to be preoccupied with things other than myself. Life gets depressing when I have too much time to think to myself and I'm stuck with my internal monologue. Too bad I have to face reality eventually and stop putting off the inevitable pain that has started to set in...

The Storm's Coming

Well we're supposed to get a crazy nor'easter tonight all the way through tomorrow, but I dont think anyone really believes it because of how mild this winter has been so far. Apparently we haven't had any measureable snowfall since the beginning of December. So much for the harsh New England winters.

It was nice to chill with cousin Mike last night.. haven't done that in a while. Its so funny cuz now the roles are reversed - he's the one in the relationship and I'm the single guy. He seemed to like the Carrie Underwood CD i got him for his birthday (months ago) cuz he digs that country music thing. I hate the music, but I told him I should take the album art with the pictures of her because he's not allowed to look at her anymore ;)

Well I gotta run to work and then I'm gonna help Dave and Heather move later today. I guess the "House of Mourning" is relocating. I love those guys and I hate to see what is happening to them and their family. Dave, you're in my prayers buddy... you're in a tough spot.

Crap... where did i put my snowpants...?

My Lesson at Chili's

Another long day...

Well today I heard two people today mention how they've heard about my blog. I guess people find out fast (I did put it in my profile). The only weird thing is now I know people have seen it, so its almost like I have to be careful what I say. Haha, I guess this is totally contradictory to my reasons to create a blog in the first place. Oh well, I guess I'll get more comfortable as time goes on... not like I have anybody real to talk to anymore. (Insert small violin here)

Another thing that struck me as being funny is how someone mentioned that I was real tight with God because I said I talk to Him. I never really thought about it too much I guess. I think I've always taken the gift of prayer for granted. I've grown up hearing things like "well, if you have a problem, just ask God to help you." Although that seems like a "sunday school" answer to life's problems, I know for a fact that God listens when we sincerely pray to Him. I suppose that I've totally overlooked one of the best gifts I've ever been given: I can go to God in prayer and He will listen to me, the guy who cant seem to get his life in order.

Now that I think about it, that totally blows me away. I have no right to approach the Maker of the Universe regardless of how "good" I've been. Oh yeah, by the way, I feel so far away from Him right now. Situations in life have sucked, but my attitudes and actions towards everything have just made it all worse and I have no one to blame but myself.

....Anyways. It is such a great thing to be able to talk to God even when I have screwed up royally and haven't listened to Him. God blows me away with the concept of "grace." I come to Him every day with something new that I've messed up on, and for some reason I feel part of that grace. I don't know what makes me feel that way. Its not that feeling of "sweet, I can do whatever because God will always take me back." Its more of a feeling that God is willing to work with me as long as I am willing to put aside what I want and start to follow His plans for me. I guess that feeling is the only reason why I haven't given up and just lived how ever I felt would be fun. I know He's saying to me "I'll be waiting right here whenever you're ready to give up living on your own."

That just reminds me of the verse "How great the Father's love He has lavished on us all, that we should be called children of God!" Nothing can separate us from the love of God, and for that reason alone, I owe Him my life.

So thanks a lot to Monique and Cassandra for reminding me of that gift I had forgotten about so long ago.

(All names have been changed to protect the innocent).

The Sun Is Shining... Or At Least It Will

Of course whenever I feel like crap, I love listening to Third Day's new CD - Wherever You Are. That whole cd has so many songs of hope and encouragement, which I have fed off ever since it was realeased. I was listening to the song "The Sun Is Shining" today and it totally fits my situation now and keeps encouraging that there's hope coming on the horizon:

The Sun Is Shining

Yesterday I found
That everything I knew was wrong
It was upside down
The life I thought I had was gone

But You came and whispered love to me
And You gave me strength to carry on

Oh, the sun is shining
There is hope for me again
A new day’s dawning
The sun is shining

Yesterday I lost
Everything I had and loved
Then I cried out for You, Lord
And You came and picked me up

And the sorrow lasted through the night
But the joy came with the morn

This Morning's Revelation

Each time I get in the car to go to school, I have a decision to make.

"Is today a music commute? or is this a quite commute?"

Don't get me wrong... I usually love music. I love playing it as loud as I can until the speakers start to sound a bit distorted. But sometimes there are days that I know I just need to spend some time of quieteness. Usually I'm trying to talk to God, but sometimes I just have a lot of thoughts I'm sorting out.

Well today was a "quite day." I've had a lot on my mind the past few days and I just starting thinking about our dependencey on God. The human problem (sin) is that we think we can do stuff our own way, in our own timing, in our own conditions. For some reason I remembered that quote that one of the Beatles said in the 60's (not sure which one actually said it): "We're more popular than Jesus now."
(Ok I looked it up: http://www.stevesbeatles.com/quotes/ - it was by John Lennon, 1966)

The first thing that jumps into any God-fearing person's mind is a gasp of disbelief and awe that someone would be so daring. I started thinking of how God would treat the guys in that band when they die (past or present). "Wow, they're really gonna be punished for saying stuff like that."

But wait a second, I thought... in a way, don't we all show our superiority to God/Jesus at one time or another?? I mean, we may not be bold enough to say it out loud, but how many times do we live our lives like we are more important than God?? How often do we feel our opinions are more valid than God's truth?


I suppose the Beatles receive the same punishement that I would receive if wasn't covered by the sacrifice of Christ...

A Quick Pic Of My Best Buddy

Just thought I'd throw in a picture of me and Kona from a few months ago. He's getting so big so fast! Lets just hope he learns that the living room is not his personal dumping area

In Memoriam: The Little Blue Notepad

Here it is. Joe's first blog. This is actually quite intimidating. I feel like this should be some great declaration with reasons to justify my need for internet posting... but it's not. I really have no other reason to post blogs other than to try and work out the jumbled sentences that are floating in my head all day long.

Notice the URL of my blog site: my-digital-therapy

I used to have a small little notepad in my senior year of high school that I used to keep for random thoughts I had. I was more proud of that little notepad and the stuff I had come up with than all the actual schoolwork I did that year. For several years I just wrote whenever I felt like it and showed it to no one. It was my little journal full of letters to God, lyrics to songs, poems, etc.

A year or so after I graduated, I decided to pull it out and read some of it to Jenelle. This was pretty hard because some of the deepest conversations I had ever had (with myself or to God) were written on that pad. We had a good night reading through some of my random thoughts from senior year: some funny, some sad, and some just outright weird. I stuck it back in my pocket that night and went home. Several days later, my mother opened the drier and discovered little soggy shreds of paper all over the wash. The only writing that I was ever "proud" of was reduced to two rectangular pieces of plastic held together by some mangled spiral wire.

Needless to say, I was pretty devastated that night and I havent really written too much since then. I guess this is my attempt to revive the spirit of that little blue notepad. I guess I just need to write whats on my heart again.

(I guess that turned out to be an ok intro to my new blog. Phew.... I'm so relieved now)