Where do i go?

I guess all good things must come to an end. Its Sunday night at quarter-till 11 and I am realizing that "there goes another spring break." I have had 3 spring breaks in my life, none of which have been memorable or exciting. I always love visiting my cousins in NH, but our 15 hour stay could hardly be considered "unforgettable." I'll have to do something next year to make up for the past 3 disappointments.

Olly preached in church again this morning, and, although he was covering last minute for Pastor Stone who has been sick, I know that there's a reason why he spoke today. I always feel so convicted and motivated after Olly speaks and what he shared is exactly what I needed today. He specifically addressed the young people of the church who are being taken away by the attractions of this world. He spoke of a double life and mistakes that will cripple someone for the rest of their lives. I feel like I have already made some of those mistakes and I know that my life has been inconsistent lately. For the past few months I have used situational excuses for my actions and thoughts, but I know that they haven't led me anywhere.

I really have no other place to turn and I know that I need to give up before I make more tragic mistakes. I just feel like I have tried to surrender my will to God's so many times and it has never been permanent. I dont understand how people like Olly can have a long-term passion for Christ that never seems to fade. My spiritual walk is like a rollercoaster at times and I can never seem to just remain constant. When he asked us all to come to the alters at the end, I just sat in my seat and prayed to God for Him to change me. I dont even know what to ask for anymore. I cant even begin to diagnose the problem or how it needs to be fixed. I just know that things are not right and no matter what I do, things are not improving. I am so frustrated with myself and how I cannot overcome the things that have been holding me down for years.

My strength is fading and I dont know how much longer I can bear this burden. I dont even have the power to lift it up towards the sky with the hope of deliverance.

God, you have a history of rescuing the broken and beat-down. I need that right now.