All Of My Gray

I want to be a clean mirror
I want to be a full moon
Lord, make me a better reflection of You

I want to be a glass prism
I want to be a focused lens
To be the place where Your light bends

I was born so dirty
I've become so frayed
My surface is pitted
My spirit's decayed

And outside I'm wasting away
But inside you renew me day by day
God make me disappear as You become clear
Shine Your light through all of my gray

I need a stain eraser
I need a divine bleach
Nothing in my life can escape Your reach

I need a total renovation
I need a scalpel to my soul
Kick me from the drivers seat so You can take control

I was born so dirty
I've become so frayed
My surface is pitted
My spirit's decayed

And outside I'm wasting away
But inside you renew me day by day
God make me disappear as You become clear
Shine Your light through all of my gray

Red Badge of Courage

I don't by any means call myself an avid reader.  Actually in 6th grade it was well known that I had a copy of the Red Badge of Courage in my desk the entire school year, but never actually finished it. Friends sometimes remind me of this story. But now that I have been out of the classroom for a few years, I have found a strong desire to make reading a habit. So I have picked up and started about 6 different books in the last few years. I may have finished one of them. And no it wasn't Red Badge of Courage.

I understand why people say that television turns your brain into mush. It really does require very little thought. I do feel a significant jump in brain activity when I read, however. Maybe its the kind of books I'm reading.  I often feel like I'm entertained enough through tv/movies, so I have rarely ever gone for fiction. I have really gravitated towards "self-help" books (for lack of a better word). This includes books on faith, as well as the more educational stuff like first-time homebuyer or investing books.  But I have noticed that my mind is stimulated when I read these books.  It even inspires me to write some of my thoughts here from time to time.

I think that reading causes inspiration to write, just like seeing a great musician might encourage you to pick up an instrument. I have always been so inspired by C.S. Lewis in particular. He had a way of putting things that I think to myself "wow I must have always known that, but he pulled it out of the deepest corners of my mind and worded it so perfectly!"

While inspired to write more, I ultimately come to the frustrations that any novice faces. Writing well is not as easy as it may seem. Almost like when I picked up my guitar to learn "Yesterday", only to put it down after 20 minutes of complete frustration.  I suppose that its why we have famous authors, musicians, or actors. They excelled in areas most struggle in.

Like anything else in life, one must practice to become good at anything. Maybe, if nothing else, I write here to keep improve my writing and also get out some of these things stirring on my mind. Man, tv was so much easier.

Time In the Sky

I often feel closest to God when I fly. Everything is calm up here above the clouds. Although human flight has only existed in the last century, I can fully understand the age-old idea of heaven as a place in the sky. I can't help but feel that I must be physically closer to God, even though my Sunday school teacher taught me "God is everywhere."  I feel close because this seems like the view He must have on us. Towering skyscrapers are reduced to small-scale models. Fields a mile wide become no more than small freckles on the face of a vast landscape. Seeing earth from this perspective is more divine than human.

I've been flying around the country for work for almost three years, but I enjoy the experience every time. Alright maybe not the traffic, security screenings, and rushing to catch flights, but once in the air, the world seems to slow down. It's amongst the clouds that I often have the deepest thoughts - things just make more sense up here. The world's complex problems have simple solutions, yet the color gradient of a setting sun across the sky blows my mind.  Except for the occasional severe turbulence, I find great peace in the sky.  God really did surround us with so much beauty.

As the plane begins its decent, I am inevitably disturbed from my celestial sanctuary as I hear the flight attendant give her "cease and desist" order against all electronic devices.  This is usually when I try to be a little sneaky and at least keep my noise-canceling headphones on.  Let me tell you - this technology is absolutely amazing.  Maybe this added silence is what has added to my flight euphoria, but these headphones were well worth the money.  Do yourself a favor and go out and buy a pair immediately if you ever plan to get on an airplane again in your lifetime.

After the flight attendant catches me with my headphones, she reminds me of how the electronic signal from my portable device could cause a radio disturbance that could throw off communications with the tower, therefore causing a major collision at the airport with large loss of life. Ok, she didn't really say that, but you'd think that's what would happen... 

I reluctantly put the headphones back in my bag.  Since when did we have those giant jet engines on the side of this thing? Man those things are loud!  I also start to notice that the ride has become significantly bumpier at these lower altitudes.  These are all of my back-to-earth reminders.  Everything was much more beautiful from higher up.  The ride was smooth and peaceful.  Now we are all being jostled around as the wheels touch down and the smell of burnt rubber rises from the runway. 

Now I am back to the realities of life on terra firma, but I hope I never loose the awe I have for my time in the sky.

Biased Compassion

Why don't I feel more compassion?  How have I become so insensitive to those suffering around the world?

Each morning I open a handful of websites to see whats going on in the world.  This morning one particular article caught my eye with the description of "Plane crash kills all 152 on board".  My first reaction was a mix of sympathy for the families that had lost loved ones and sadness over the unnecessary loss of life.  What a great tragedy.  But then I took a second look at the title and noticed a missing detail - "Pakistan plane crash kills all 152 on board."

Oh, phew. That's good.

Wait, what??  Did I really just breathe a sigh of relief because this happened in Pakistan and not in America?  Is this really any better?  Are travelers to Pakistan any less valuable than those lucky enough to be born in America?  Is the pain of sudden loss less painful for widows or orphans on the other side of the globe?

I obviously don't really feel this way, but I think your first reactions are a good barometer for your true character. It seems that I need to change my ethno-centric views and open my eyes to problems out side of my own home.  Maybe another missions trip to a foreign country will set my priorities straight...

This One Is For You Erin

For some time I have had this blog setup to automatically feed directly into my Facebook account.  Publicity is the name of the game for blogging, but my intentions for this blog have never been to get as many hits as possible, as if it would result in a higher revenue stream.  Lets be honest, I should be paying other people to read my material.

Although I get more views when things get posted to Facebook, its like a small billboard on someone's hour commute into Boston.  Things get lost in the hustle and bustle.  Did that billboard for Lumber Liquidators really make a lasting impression on your week?  How moved were you with that emotional Citizen's Bank advertisement?  Yeah... didn't think so.  I feel the same way with Facebook these days - constant information overload.  Plus, its a little intimidating trying to write something when it will potentially show up in 300+ people's news feeds.  If I'm going to post something, I'd better have something damn important to say.

I want my thoughts and musings to be more like an article in a magazine that you may never have purchased yourself, but the guy before you left it in the seat pocket in front of you on your flight to Chicago and you have nothing else better to do but read it.  (Again, my scenario does not involve you making a financial contribution to support my ramblings).

So I'm looking to overcome any hesitations I may have had before and start sharing things that are again personal and hopefully amusing to a handful of you.  If nothing else you can pass the time on your fancy iPhones or Droid Awesomes when you're sitting on the can...